Keeping Record

One thing that I don't want to forget is how God has been so faithful to us this past year or so of our lives.  It has been tough, but there have been many answered prayers.  I am so thankful that the Lord hears us when we pray, aren't you?  And, although, He doesn't always answer the prayers in the way we want Him to, He listens.  Such a sweet thought. 

"I love the Lord because he hears my voice and my prayer for mercy.  Because he bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath!" -Psalm 116:1-2

Here is my record of His faithfulness and mercy to us....

-June 27, 2011 - My dad arranges for his friend, a high risk doctor, to come in to his office for a fun ultrasound to find out the gender of our third baby.  No heartbeat.  We were devastated.

Because this was a favor, I was with my mom and my mother-in-law.  I was scheduled to have a routine check-up the next day at my doctor's office.  I would have gone in for that check-up alone, but because God was so gracious, I was in the company of people who love me.  Thank you, Lord.

-June 29, 2011 - D&E 

This was such a sad day, but God was with us in a very tangible way.  Thank you, Lord.

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." -Psalm 34:18

-June, July, and August 2011 -  Matt and I spent praying and healing.  We were so sad, but knew that the Lord's ways are higher than ours. 

We did not really talk to the girls much about losing the baby.  Maggie knew that our baby was in heaven, and that was about the extent of it.  At some point during these few months (unprompted), Maggie prayed, "God, can you please pick us out another baby to keep here with us?"  My tender hearted girl reminded me of how capable the Lord is.  Thank you, Lord, for the faith of a child.

-October 2011 - We find out we are expecting again!!  Praise the Lord

-End of October 2011 - Miscarry second glory baby.  We were devastated, confused, and really just plain annoyed.

The Lord was with us in a very real way, despite the fact that both Matt and I were both pretty prideful in the fact that we thought we deserved a healthy baby after losing one.  Thank you, Lord, for loving me despite my ugly sin and pride.

-November and December 2011, January 2012 - We keep praying for direction, clarity, and comfort.  The Lord listens!  Thank you, Lord.

-February 2012 - Positive Pregnancy Test!  Praise the Lord!

-February 2012 - Go in for blood test.  Results show that I am not pregnant.  Either a false positive test or an early miscarriage.  We were disappointed but ok.

-March, April, and May 2012 - Praying about God's will for our family.  Are we supposed to keep trying to get pregnant, are we supposed to adopt, or are we supposed to be content and enjoy our sweet little girls? 

These were probably the hardest months for me.  I prayed continuously for peace and for the Lord to give me love for family and friends who were pregnant or had small babies.  I felt the awkwardness of running into people, and they didn't know what to say.  I didn't know what to say either, but I knew that I had to be the one to be gracious.  Thank you, Lord, for helping me through those awkward moments and times. 

End of June 2012 - We find out we are expecting.  Exactly one year after we lost the first baby.

My sweet sister-in-law's mother sent me a book after we lost the first baby.  It is titled, "The One Year Book of Hope" by Nancy Guthrie.  I remember thinking to myself, "Surely, I won't need to read a devotional every day for a year.  I won't be still hurting a year from now."  Little did I know that I would read (and need) every single devotion in that book.  Thank you, Lord, that you know the timeline, and that you sent someone to minister to me for the exact time that I needed it.  I am in awe of how you pay attention to the details, and I am so grateful!

Mid July 2012 - Ultrasound. Strong Heartbeat!!!  Praise the Lord!

August 2012 - 12 Week Ultrasound. No sign of Chromosomal issue that first baby had!!  Praise the Lord!

August 2012 - 14 Week Ultrasound.  Baby's Heart is still going strong. 
Icing on the cake - we find out we are having a boy!!

That was so sweet of you, Lord, to give us a boy.  We would have been thrilled with a healthy girl, but the desire of our hearts was to experience both a boy and girl at some point.  So sweet!!!

September 2012 - I really struggle with worry and anxiety over the health of the baby.
 
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." -Phil. 4:6

September 20, 2012 - 18 Week Ultrasound.  Baby boy is doing well, and all of his organs checked out perfectly!  High risk doctor says that not only are there not any sign of problems, there are no soft markers.  Praise the Lord for This Precious Blessing!

"You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb.  Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!  Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.  You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born.  Every day of my life was recorded in your book.  Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed." -Psalm 139:13-16

My prayers now are for a healthy baby boy to be delivered in February.  But, in addition to that, for me to trust in the last part of these verses.  He has recorded every day of our lives, and He knows best!  He is in control, and I don't need to be anxious about it!